Are you using a Schmucket List to try to become happier?
If you are, then it’s probably not working very well.
If you’re unsure what a Schmucket List is, that’s okay—because I invented the term. But I didn’t invent the concept. The concept has been around since the beginning of mankind, and we all fall prey to it.
From every direction, we’re marketed things we should like—things that are popular. We’re enticed, lured, and deceived as to what will make us happy.
Learning from The Italian Job
One of my favorite movies is the 2003 remake of The Italian Job. A crew of thieves plans to pull off a heist to steal some gold bars from the mafia. They all discuss what they’ll do with their share of the money—except for Steve, who says:
“I don’t know, I haven’t decided yet… I like what you said; I’ll take one of each of yours.”
Then he ends up backstabbing the crew, taking the money for himself, and buying what everyone else wanted, hoping that would make him happier.
Steve is a schmuck—a fool—and we all act in these foolish ways at times, thinking that other people’s wants will meet our core desires.
Spotting the Schmucket List
Take a look at your bucket list and circle the items that really belong on your Schmucket List—those things you might have seen on someone else’s list but don’t truly care about, except to say you did them.
Recently, we were with some friends in southern Spain. On a clear day, we could see Morocco—a northern area of Africa, a continent I’ve never been to before. We joked about squeezing in a ferry trip to our already packed schedule just so we could say we’d been to Africa.
Would checking that box make me happier, or would it just add stress and exhaustion to our trip?
We then talked about how to get to Antarctica and the difficulty (and expense) of doing that—fly to Argentina, then hop on a cruise, then cross the infamous Drake Passage. Even the thought of it made me nauseous.
I’m not saying that visiting every continent is a bad goal; I’m only saying it’s not my goal (at least not right now). If you love experiencing the different habitats of the world, then it’s a great bucket list item. However, if you’re doing it just to say that you did it, then maybe it’s a Schmucket List item.
Lessons in Contentment
My wife has an admirable ability to be content. She’s seldom swayed by my Type A, goal-driven, taskaholic, bucket-list personality.
I’m often infuriated with her reply to my badgering requests to fit more and more into our schedule, as she simply answers, “If I feel like it.”
What I’ve learned—and continue to learn—from her is that I feel happier when I slow down a bit and do what I feel like at the time.
Will I stop making to-do lists, craving that dopamine hit when I check something off (admittedly, sometimes I’ll write things down that I’ve already done just so I can strike them off—I call that my Struck It List)?
Will I end all goals for myself and do whatever I want whenever I want to? Of course not!
But if I want to be happier, then I’ll benefit by analyzing my bucket list, to-do list, and goals to see if they truly align with my values, principles, and timing—or whether they just seemed cool when I saw them on Instagram.
Invest in What Matters Most
Whenever we go after a goal, it comes at the expense of time, energy, and sometimes money that we could be putting elsewhere. So it’s wise to invest in what matters most to each of us individually.
Once you’ve removed those Schmucket List items from your bucket list, you’ll have a clearer list of goals that are meaningful for you.
As you experience your passions, you’ll be happier than merely checking a box and saying, “Been there, done that—what’s next?”
The Joy in the Journey
Part of the joy of pursuing your bucket list items comes from the planning, preparing, and saving for those goals.
A paradoxical truth is that happiness is sometimes earned in the struggle and the sacrifice—delaying gratification for something that’s more important to you.
But be careful not to delay some of your bucket list items too long—you, or the people you want to share the experience with, may not have the health to enjoy them.
Other interests can wait until you’re ready to slow down and appreciate moving through life at a gentler pace.
A Final Scene Worth Remembering
Some bucket list items are checked off in an instant, while others are experienced over a lifetime.
The year The Italian Job was released in 2003 coincided with the same year my wife and I were married.
In the final scene of The Italian Job, the main character, Charlie, shares what he did with his cut of the money—something he learned from his mentor:
“I found somebody I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I’m going to hold on forever.”
